Nonverbal Messages

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nonverbal Messages

Donna Crawford

COM-40164

November 24, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

            This reflection essay about an interpersonal situation in which I misread and misinterpreted someone’s nonverbal message involved me, my girlfriend, and a friend of hers. My friend and her friend are both from Mexico. I explained my assignment and asked her what cultural label she preferred to be referenced as. She responded that she preferred Mexican to Mexican-American or Latino, so Mexican will be the label I will use throughout this assignment.

            My friend invited me to go with her to see a friend of hers who she needed to speak with. Her friend lived in a neighborhood that was mostly populated with Mexican residents; some legal, some not. Most of them did not speak English and I spoke a little Spanish, but formal Spanish that was taught in high school. Mexican is very different than formal Spanish. This should have been the first clue that I was going to be interacting with a culture that was very different from the Spanish culture I had studied and from the interpersonal relationship I had with my friend.

            When we arrived at the residence of the friend (a Mexican man in his late 40s) he came outdoors and greeted my friend with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She stood between him and me and did not introduce me. I thought this was rude and out of character for my friend, so I slightly nudged her to introduce me. I could tell she was resistant and I could not understand their conversation. I cleared my throat to signal her again and she gave me a look as if to say “ok, you asked for it.” She introduced him to me first and then me to him. I am a very outgoing and friendly person, so I made eye contact, gave a friendly smile and a handshake. He then grabbed me with a full body hug and a kiss on the mouth, along with other nonverbal body language that was very uncomfortable to me. My friend spoke Mexican to him and broke us apart. She remained between us until we left and she hurried me to the car.

            When we began to drive off, I asked my friend about what happened. After she finished laughing, she explained some of the Mexican man’s cultural background and beliefs. She explained that in Mexico, a man of his age interprets a big smile, prolonged eye contact, and the extension of the hand from a woman is considered as a sexual advancement. He thought I was sexually interested in him and he responded in the same manner by his body language towards me.

            This incident validated how crucial nonverbal messages can be. There was no verbal communication between me and the man, but my nonverbal message to him was misinterpreted because of our cultural norms being very different. I wanted to express friendliness and he perceived seduction. All of this occurred within seconds and without verbal communication. Nonverbal communication can enhance verbal communication or it can be its own message. It is critical that there is a cultural understanding between the sender and the receiver in order for nonverbal messages to be understood and effective.

Identity Reflection

 

 

 

 

 

 

Identity Reflection

Donna Crawford

COM-40164

November 17, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Certain situations that I have experienced have made me conscious of two particular identities. One of these identities is that of a single White mother of a biracial (Black and White) seventeen year old son (Cameron). I was actually a single mother to him since he was six, but as he has grown older and has experienced an identity crisis, I have become more conscious of how my role as his White mother affects him. The other identity that I became conscious of, over twenty years ago is that of a woman business owner. Situations such as applying for business loans, the struggle to be recognized as an educated business owner, and gaining the respect and trust of potential customers have made me conscious of this identity.

            Cameron’s biracial experience was similar to one of the student’s (Maureen’s) experience described by Martin and Nakayama (2011). I am White and Cameron’s father is African American. Cameron attends a mostly White school with many Hispanics and only a few other Black students. The grouping of these students left Cameron feeling confused and depressed because none of the groups accepted him. Cameron felt as though he had to choose to be Black or White, and he chose Black. Once he made this decision, he hid the fact that he had a White mother and he did not want me to attend his events, baseball games, or school activities for fear his new Black friends would realize he had a White mother. This was devastating to me at first. Cameron is now in the stage of self-acceptance and assertion. He is finding a more secure sense of self. Similar to what Martin and Nakayama (2011) explain; he is beginning to embrace both parent’s racial groups and now claims to be “mixed.” Cameron’s identity struggle made me aware that my identity of being his White mother was different than being a mother of a monoracial child. I am now playing an important role in helping develop a healthy biracial identity by providing supportive communication that encourages him to embrace both racial backgrounds (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). I am also more aware that I can help him cope with prejudice and discrimination by giving the correct advice when he faces these situations.

            My identity as a women business owner has changed over my 22 years of operation. Even though today in the United States women find a much wider range of business opportunities, a few decades ago men tended to hold most of the positions of authority and women were expected to play a more subservient role (Thill & Bovee, 2009). Thill and Bovee (2009) provide evidence that men and women tend to have slightly different communication styles, which was recognized when I attempted to express my needs and expectations as a business owner. Whether it was applying for a business loan, negotiating commercial property, or presenting my business plan, I faced many struggles partly because all of my receivers were men and societal norms were not yet on the woman-ownership side. Once I established ownership, it was difficult for my customers to separate my identity of the owner of a dance company from “Ms. Donna” the dance instructor. Many of my customers are still surprised to discover that I am the owner of the company. It is as if they expect Art Linkletter (owner of Art Linkletter Dance Studios, Inc.) to walk in.

            There are both advantages and disadvantages of having these two identities. I feel that the personal advantage is the awareness of the differences in how I perceive myself compared to how others perceive me. Since I have recognized my identity as a mother of a biracial child, I have become more aware of how one can be rejected from groups and how I unknowingly benefitted from the advantage of race privilege. Eisenberg, Goodall, and Tretheway (2010) provide examples of White privileges, such as being rarely asked to speak for the entire race and seeing people who look like me most places I go. My son does not have these privileges. The disadvantage of this identity is not fully knowing how my son or other biracial people feel. I can sympathize and try to understand, but since I am not directly affected, I cannot know how it truly feels.

            The advantage of my woman business owner identity is the development of perseverance and commitment to overcome many barriers. This has made me determined to continuously educate myself in the field of communication. Effective business management will not prosper a company without effective communication skills. I can be “Ms. Donna” and ASDP, LLC. at the same time and work the two identities so they relate to both my students and to my associates as long as I can effectively communicate in both contexts.

            My identities influence the way I communicate with others by having an understanding of differences and perceptions among people. It is easy to communicate with others that have similar identities because you share many of the same beliefs and values. When communicating with people from other identities, I listen more than I speak. By this, I mean it is important to listen to others and to ask questions to avoid misunderstandings. This requires you to develop interpersonal communication skills in order to empathize and understand where the differences developed and how they feel about things. I have learned not to make assumptions and not to ignore the differences. By communicating in this way, we can learn from each other and become more innovative and creative.

            The identities I have written about may exclude me from certain groups or cause others to reject me, but they are interrelated with other identities that make me who I am. In certain situations, I have learned to analyze the circumstances before I act or react. I do not take it personal when others who are not part of my identities disagree or choose not to interact with me because I respect their feelings and I realize that not everybody is educated about culture and identity differences. If they are willing to try to understand why I feel as I do, I try to inform them because recognizing and questioning someone about their differences demonstrates the desire to learn and understand one another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Eisenberg, E., Goodall, H., Trethewey, A. (2010). Organizational communication:

            Balancing creativity and constraint. (6^th ed.). Boston, NY. Bedford/St. Martin’s.

 Martin, J. Nakayama, T. (2011). Experiencing intercultural communication: An introduction. (4^th ed).

                New York, NY.: McGraw-Hill.

Thill, J., Bovee, C. (2009). Excellence in business communication. (8^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ.:

                Prentice Hall.

 

           

 

 

Historical Examination

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Historical Examination

Donna Crawford

COM-40164

November 7, 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.  Why would it be important to examine the role of history in Intercultural Communication?

            Our culture is strongly influenced by the history that we know and our feelings about that history (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). The various histories that involve politics, intellect, social settings, families, nationality, and cultural groups intertwine with our various identities based on gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, race, and so on (Martin & Nakayama, 2008). Our history helps us understand who we are and why others interact with us as they do as well as our perception of others. Examining the role of history in Intercultural Communication (IC) gives us an understanding of others, which can help break down communication barriers. What one culture feels is an important part of their history and identity, we may not be aware of or we may have a completely different idea about it. By examining the role of history in IC, we can become more sensitive, empathetic, and understanding of each others’ differences.

            A personal experience in which relates to the importance of understanding the history of certain identities is one from my former marriage. My former mother-in-law and her mother (Grandma) are African American. Grandma was a servant to a White man in Virginia. She was raped and became pregnant from him and my mother-in-law was a product of this atrocity. She was resistant to accepting me (a White woman) into her family because of the racial problems we might face. I made the ignorant statement of how interracial couples and children are accepted in today’s society and she should get over the past. I was not aware of her history at the time of this statement. Once I understood her family history, I was able to understand her resistance along with other feelings towards “the White man”.

 

2.  What are hidden histories and how might hidden histories affect intercultural interactions?

            Cultural group histories are histories of cultural groups within a nation that has its own history. Even though many of these histories are hidden, they help us understand the identity of the group (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). Hidden histories are not typically included in our national history. Examples of hidden histories provided by Martin and Nakayama (2011) include “…the expulsion in the 1750s of many French-speaking Acadians from eastern Canada and their migration to Louisiana and the forced removal in 1838 of the Cherokees from their former nation to settlements in the state of Oklahoma, which resulted in the death of one-fifth of the Cherokee population…(pg. 72).” Another hidden history was the genocide in Rwanda between the Tutsi tribe and the Hutu, which happened between two cultures in South Africa. This was one of the bloodiest episodes in modern African history where “…the colonial overlords had sought to maintain their European hegemony by favoring the main ethnic group, the Tutsi, over the other, the Hutu…(Loeb, 2004. pg. 391)”.  These are intercultural histories that were not taught in our U.S. history classes as part of our “grand narrative”. The ignorance of such group histories causes misunderstanding and difficulty in intercultural communication.

            In my opinion, every cultural group and family has hidden history. The more we examine and listen to these histories the better equipped we are to understanding why people feel how they feel and how their communication may differ from our own. This allows us to determine what options of communication styles will be more effective when interacting with different cultural groups and individuals.

 

3.  Compare and contrast family histories with national histories.

            Many different kinds of history influences our views of and knowledge about the past, including our family histories and national histories (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). Both of these histories help us understand why our families live where they do and why we live and communicate in the ways we do. Family histories and national history overlap and influence one another.

            Family histories occur on a more personal level and are passed along orally from one generation to the next (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). Many people want to know what their ancestors experienced and what events they participated in. Many of their family histories are deeply intertwined with ethnic and religious histories.

            Nation history consists of the learning about a nation’s great events and figures. This gives us a shared notion of who we are, even if we do not personally fit into the national narrative (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). We are expected to know the particular telling of U.S. history in order to understand the many references used in communication (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). The same is true for other nations who have their own national narrative. For example; if I were to study French, it would be important for me to learn about French history to comprehend what it means to be French and how the French interact with other nations.

 

4.  How is the history of gays and lesbians relevant to intercultural communication?

            As Martin and Nakayama (2011) state, “…Interest in the history of sexuality is a fairly recent phenomenon that is beginning to challenge the ways that we think about the past (pg. 77)”. Sexual orientation histories are often overlooked, silenced, or ignored, which causes us to begin at zero in each generation in the understanding of the histories of gays and lesbians. An example of this is how many of us are not aware of the stories of the treatment of gays and lesbians during World War II, which promoted a common history and influenced intercultural communication among gays and lesbians in France, Germany, the Netherlands, and other nations (Martin & Nakayama, 2011). Many of us are not aware of how the gays and lesbians were victims of the Nazi Holocaust.

            In regards to intercultural communication, it is important to learn cultural identifiers for gays and lesbians as a way to avoid heterosexism (DeVito, 2008). DeVito (2008) presents findings from the Task Force on Bias-Free Language of the Association of American University Presses that help us identify the preferred terms for gays and lesbians that have developed through their histories. In this study, “…Homosexual refers to both gay men and lesbians, but more often merely denotes a sexual; orientation to members of a person’s own sex…(DeVito, 2008. Pg. 114)”. In order to effectively communicate with these cultures, it is important to know the preferred cultural identifiers, which include being aware of how 58 percent of homosexual women prefer the term lesbian, but 34 percent prefer gay, and gay is the preferred term to refer to a man who has an affectional preference for other men (DeVito, 2008). It is also important to realize that gay and lesbian refer to a lifestyle and not simply to sexual orientations. This lifestyle is a culture for gays and lesbians and has differences that are relevant to intercultural communication.

 

 

5.  How can we negotiate histories in interactions?

            In order to negotiate histories in interactions it is important to recognize your identities, such as a member of a racial or ethnic group, a nationality, a socioeconomic class, etc. and to realize that these identities have different meanings for other people (Martin & Nakayama, 2008). It is important to recognize that communication includes people from different histories (some known, some hidden) and that their histories play a role in their identities.

            Thill and Bovee (2009) offer some suggestions on how to negotiate histories in interactions by avoiding the negativity of ethnocentrism and the oversimplification of stereotyping. One of the suggestions is to avoid assumptions. It is important that you don’t assume others have the same values and beliefs as you and that others will act the same way you do (Thill & Bovee, 2009). Another suggestion is to avoid judgments. When people act differently, don’t conclude that their way is invalid or inferior. The third suggestion is to acknowledge distinctions. “Don’t ignore the differences between another person’s culture and your own (Thill & Bovee, 2009. pg. 75)”. The goal is to accept multiple cultures on their own terms in the form of cultural pluralism (Thill & Bovee, 2009).

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

DeVito, J. A. (2008). Messages: Building interpersonal communication skills. (6^th ed).

            Boston, MA.: Allyn and Bacon.

Loeb, P. (2004). The impossible will take a little while: A citizen’s guide to hope in a time of fear.

                New York, NY.: Basic Books.

Martin, J. Nakayama, T. (2011). Experiencing intercultural communication: An introduction. (4^th ed).

                New York, NY.: McGraw-Hill.

Thill, J., Bovee, C. (2009). Excellence in business communication. (8^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ.:

                Prentice Hall.

 

 

 

 

 

Cultural Dimensions

Cultural Dimensions from donnacrawford2012

Culteral Dimensions