Identity
Reflection
Donna
Crawford
COM-40164
November
17, 2012
Certain situations that I have experienced have made me conscious
of two particular identities. One of these identities is that of a single White
mother of a biracial (Black and White) seventeen year old son (Cameron). I was
actually a single mother to him since he was six, but as he has grown older and
has experienced an identity crisis, I have become more conscious of how my role
as his White mother affects him. The other identity that I became conscious of,
over twenty years ago is that of a woman business owner. Situations such as
applying for business loans, the struggle to be recognized as an educated
business owner, and gaining the respect and trust of potential customers have made
me conscious of this identity.
Cameron’s biracial experience was similar to one of the student’s
(Maureen’s) experience described by Martin and Nakayama (2011). I am White and Cameron’s
father is African American. Cameron attends a mostly White school with many Hispanics
and only a few other Black students. The grouping of these students left Cameron
feeling confused and depressed because none of the groups accepted him. Cameron
felt as though he had to choose to be Black or White, and he chose Black. Once he
made this decision, he hid the fact that he had a White mother and he did not want
me to attend his events, baseball games, or school activities for fear his new Black
friends would realize he had a White mother. This was devastating to me at first.
Cameron is now in the stage of self-acceptance and assertion. He is finding a
more secure sense of self. Similar to what Martin and Nakayama (2011) explain; he
is beginning to embrace both parent’s racial groups and now claims to be “mixed.”
Cameron’s identity struggle made me aware that my identity of being his White mother
was different than being a mother of a monoracial child. I am now playing an
important role in helping develop a healthy biracial identity by providing supportive
communication that encourages him to embrace both racial backgrounds (Martin &
Nakayama, 2011). I am also more aware that I can help him cope with prejudice
and discrimination by giving the correct advice when he faces these situations.
My identity as a women business owner has changed over my
22 years of operation. Even though today in the United States women find a much
wider range of business opportunities, a few decades ago men tended to hold most
of the positions of authority and women were expected to play a more subservient
role (Thill & Bovee, 2009). Thill and Bovee (2009) provide evidence that
men and women tend to have slightly different communication styles, which was
recognized when I attempted to express my needs and expectations as a business
owner. Whether it was applying for a business loan, negotiating commercial property,
or presenting my business plan, I faced many struggles partly because all of my
receivers were men and societal norms were not yet on the woman-ownership side.
Once I established ownership, it was difficult for my customers to separate my
identity of the owner of a dance company from “Ms. Donna” the dance instructor.
Many of my customers are still surprised to discover that I am the owner of the
company. It is as if they expect Art Linkletter (owner of Art Linkletter Dance Studios,
Inc.) to walk in.
There are both advantages and disadvantages of having these
two identities. I feel that the personal advantage is the awareness of the differences
in how I perceive myself compared to how others perceive me. Since I have recognized
my identity as a mother of a biracial child, I have become more aware of how one
can be rejected from groups and how I unknowingly benefitted from the advantage of race privilege. Eisenberg,
Goodall, and Tretheway (2010) provide examples of White privileges, such as being
rarely asked to speak for the entire race and seeing people who look like me most
places I go. My son does not have these privileges. The disadvantage of this identity
is not fully knowing how my son or other biracial people feel. I can sympathize
and try to understand, but since I am not directly affected, I cannot know how
it truly feels.
The advantage of my woman business owner identity is the development
of perseverance and commitment to overcome many barriers. This has made me determined
to continuously educate myself in the field of communication. Effective business
management will not prosper a company without effective communication skills. I
can be “Ms. Donna” and ASDP, LLC. at the same time and work the two identities so
they relate to both my students and to my associates as long as I can effectively
communicate in both contexts.
My identities influence the way I communicate with others
by having an understanding of differences and perceptions among people. It is
easy to communicate with others that have similar identities because you share
many of the same beliefs and values. When communicating with people from other
identities, I listen more than I speak. By this, I mean it is important to listen
to others and to ask questions to avoid misunderstandings. This requires you to
develop interpersonal communication skills in order to empathize and understand
where the differences developed and how they feel about things. I have learned
not to make assumptions and not to ignore the differences. By communicating in
this way, we can learn from each other and become more innovative and creative.
The identities I have written about may exclude me from certain
groups or cause others to reject me, but they are interrelated with other identities
that make me who I am. In certain situations, I have learned to analyze the circumstances
before I act or react. I do not take it personal when others who are not part of
my identities disagree or choose not to interact with me because I respect their
feelings and I realize that not everybody is educated about culture and identity
differences. If they are willing to try to understand why I feel as I do, I try
to inform them because recognizing and questioning someone about their differences
demonstrates the desire to learn and understand one another.
References
Eisenberg,
E., Goodall, H., Trethewey, A. (2010). Organizational
communication:
Balancing
creativity and constraint. (6th ed.). Boston, NY.
Bedford/St. Martin’s.
Martin, J. Nakayama, T. (2011). Experiencing intercultural communication: An
introduction. (4th ed).
New
York, NY.: McGraw-Hill.
Thill, J., Bovee, C. (2009). Excellence in business communication. (8th ed.). Upper
Saddle River, NJ.:
Prentice
Hall.
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